I have 6 siblings ya’ll, 6. I am the second oldest, but took on the role of the oldest sibling when my sister passed away at just 3 years old. I’ll save that for another post.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been a sibling but for nearly 3 years I did not speak to my baby sister, at all. We hated one another, and when I think of that, it breaks my heart. I know this was because we both had so much growing to do, and we had no idea we were so a like. We waisted a lot of years fighting when we could have been best friends.
Thankfully, we’ve paved the way past that horrid and painful time in our lives, to realize just how much we love one another. My goal as a parent to three girls is to purposely raise them to love one another deeply, which I feel is so important. I’ve learned that just because someone is your blood does not mean you’ll always get along, but if the foundation is built into who they are while they are children, I believe that we can foster a loving and caring relationship between siblings that will last a lifetime.
Being a mother is hard. It must have been so painful for my mother to live on separate sides with each of us. I think now of how heart broken I would be if my girls grew up to “hate” one another. And so, I’ve made it a point to parent my children to not only be kind little humans but to be kind toward one another. Because when your sister hurts, you do too.
-These are the 7 steps I’ve taken in our approach to Raising Sweet Siblings-
1. If you want your children to be sweet creatures of the Universe, they must see you in action, daily. lets face it, children will without a doubt, learn the most by watching you. So be on your toes, daily. You don’t have to be perfect, but mind your actions around them. Be purposeful in the way you interact with them and your spouse.
2. We kiss boo boos. When one of my girls gets hurt, I involve her sisters in the boo boo kissing, the giving hugs because sissy fell off of whatever thing she should not have been climbing on, hopefully there is not blood. If there is, we’ll bandage it together. I want my girls to learn to take care of one another, especially when I am not around. The role of the big sister shouldn’t rest solely on the shoulders of the oldest child, it’s a daunting task, and so we have enlisted all of them as big sisters.
3. Being friends. Well this one can be tough, at first. I don’t know about you, but we had our second child because we didn’t want our first child to be the only child. So you bet they better learn to play together. We had some push back in the beginning, because little ones take time to be fun to big sisters, but now, they’ll play for hours and hours and it’s amazing.
4.Teach them to SHARE! This one is YUGE for me! I’ve been in homes, like um, my MIL’s home. Where there is a play room and everyone has their own toys and blah blah blah. NO, I’m calling Bullshit. Teaching children they don’t have to share because this is their toy is setting them up for failure as, not just now but later in life. They’ll have to share for the rest of their lives, like forever. Think about it, they’ll have to share the road, share by paying taxes, heck they’ll have to share a home with their husbands and then children. Lets get this sharing thing out of the way and raise kiddos who know that nothing is cooler or sweeter than sharing. Especially with someone who has less. Don’t forget to REWARD good behavior. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. A simple, “that’s nice to share sissy,” “good job,” or “oh you’re so sweet to share,” GOES a LONG LONG way with little ones. Do this for EVERYTHING! My kids eat it up!
5. Give, give often, and give good. Again, going back to your children are watching you, always. Some days I set out on a journey to do something kind for someone, like buying their coffee, or handing someone my spare change and doing so in front of my children. This allows for your children to learn by watching you. My mother was the greatest example of this when we were growing up. We were poor, but when we’d make our monthly grocery trip to the big city we’d get to pick out a snack for a person in need, and we’d bag it and hand it out to the homeless that hung out near the grocery store. Do something intentionally sweet and use it as a learning lesson for your children, I promise they’ll never forget it.
6.Don’t let them fight. This one seems easy to me, but thanks to the internet we’ve all seen some things. Teach and preach gentle touches. This goes a long way, now and later in life. It’s okay to be upset, but it is not okay to hit your sister because she made you mad, use your words, and always gentle touches. Covering this now will help avoid several issues later in life. Plus its unbecoming to see children physically hitting one another, no one wants to play with the bully.
7.Hug, hug those babies. My husband and I are huggers, we hug throughout the day, we kiss, we kiss the kids, we hug them and cuddle like crazy every moment we get. Because I mean they are so squishy and I can’t help myself! But, what we’ve done without even meaning to is to create children who love to hug, who are affectionate with each other, randomly throughout the day and it is the sweetest thing to see. When your children love one anther, really love one another, you know you are doing something right.
Most of all you are an amazing MAMA! If you haven’t been doing these things and think you’d like to try a few, it is never too late to start!
